Kid: Wolfs have marathons.
Me: They do?
Kid: Yeah. It means they run really fast. I've raced a wolf before.
"Umm... what happens if your brain explodes? Like if you swallow a bomb?"
Counselor: Are you sure you don't need to go to the bathroom?
Boy: Hold on, let me just stop walking and see if the pee comes out . . . . . . Yeah I better to go the bathroom.
Boy: Liar, liar piece of fire!
Me: Wait, what did you say?
Boy: You're a liar, liar piece of fire, Miss Molly. I don't see any games in there!
Me: Do you think they're twins?
Girl: No, they don't have the same shoes . . . or face.
About two bubbles that a 5 year-old boy caught on the bubble wand.
Boy: Look! I made butt cheeks!
Me: HA! You're funny, but I don't know if that's appropriate.
Boy: Maybe they're rocks?
Boy in Kindergarten.
Boy: I feel sad.
Boy: Because I didn't brush my hair this morning.
Me: And that makes you feel sad?
Boy: Yeah. And because I didn't get to gel it either.
"This one time a centipede landed in my lap! And then I threw it on my sister! And she was so mad! And then my brother! Oh! Oh, you're not going to believe this! He said 'raisin squashed!' It was the best day ever!"